Archive for the ‘General’ Category

So you’ll notice I haven’t written for a couple weeks, and by now, the three of you who read this thing are beginning to question my drive to keep up with it. Or you just haven’t noticed/cared. Either reaction is normal. You would be right to question that drive, though, as it’s been pretty non-existent as of late. Not because of laziness or apathy but because of defeat.

They say the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry (Yes, that’s actually how the adage ends, I had to look it up because no one ever says the whole thing anymore.)

Well, what happens when every single one of those best laid plans go awry? Even the plans that weren’t even laid yet. The “virgin” plans, if you will.

Things spiral out of control, that’s what happens. A car breaks down, a cell phone dies for good, unexpected bills appear, the savings is wiped clean, new job prospects are lost, family members become gravely ill, sickness from stress sets in, plans to move fall apart.

Now, I’m not one to believe in curses or other such voodoo nonsense but this is the sort of thing that could certainly turn me around. If anyone has any chicken bones, small human shaped pin cushions, and some family members in New Orleans, please contact me immediately for de-cursing.

Joking aside, these last couple weeks have taught me something about perseverance. When everything around you is crumbling down and looks bleak as hell you just need to tell yourself, “this too shall pass.” Everything isn’t going to stay shitty forever; eventually things are going to get better. Once they do, you’ll appreciate it more because of the crap you had to crawl through to get there. Trust me, I’ve seen Shawshank Redemption enough times on cable to know this.

Seriously, is there anyone who can not watch that movie if they pass it on TV?

It also helps to have someone by your side who can be just as strong as you are in the face of certain doom. In a time when Elle and I’s respective stress levels would normally be causing all sorts of rifts and arguments, we’ve been taking it as it comes and dealing with it as it goes. We’ve strived to look on the bright side of our recent predicaments and we have a bright outlook for the rest of the year despite our shitty Spring.

I’m a lucky man to be marrying that woman. She has the determination of a lead anime character and the sassy, no nonsense, attitude of that lead characters best friend.

So, just remember when life is beating the shit out of you and chucking lemons at your face, tell life to fuck off! Demand to see life’s manager! Then make a nice cool glass of ICED FUCKING TEA because life lemons can go to hell!

The Passion of the Nerd

Posted: April 2, 2014 in General
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For those readers out there who are jumping onto this hype train before it’s even left the station, I want to say welcome. You’ve discovered this blog somehow and I certainly hope I can keep you entertained long enough to stick around for awhile. If not, well, be sure to tell your friends about me. Maybe they’ll have better taste than you.

Now, I’m sure many of you are people I know because that’s how I’m told these things start. For those of you who happen to be complete strangers, or friends who want to get to know me better, let me tell you that this blog will be an intimate look at who I am viewed through the lens of what I enjoy doing/watching/playing. Also the mental illness stuff but you knew that already if you had read my first post! Geez! I thought we were friends!
Anyway, I feel like, in this internet age superficial views of a person are there to simply attract the audience. They come for the shared interests and stay for the insightful commentary on said interests. I say this because most nerds love to talk and discuss everything they enjoy at length. While not every nerdy person likes to drone on for hours about (as an example) which Star Trek captain was better, I think this statement is pretty universal.

Picard was the best, by the way. Come at me Red Shirts!

From Writing to Science, Sports to Board Games, Television to Reading; almost everyone is a nerd in today’s culture. Anything you can talk about at length is something that you’re passionate about and at the heart of all true nerds is passion. Whether it is passion for the best Dungeons and Dragons Edition (3.5), the best television show (Doctor Who), or the best sports team (Chicago Blackhawks). My point is that by sharing my passions with you I may be able to connect in a way that will allow us to enjoy these things together. Maybe you’ll enjoy my thoughts on these things, maybe you’ll hate them. Either way I hope you’ll stick around and generate good discussion.

I know nothing anyone creates will be universally loved by everyone but that dissenting opinion is what keeps content creators on their toes and not becoming complacent. It also helps build a thicker skin, which is something I am in dire need of because when you can’t even finish a game of League of Legends because you had your feelings hurt by some anonymous douchbag, I think it’s time to re-evaluate your sensitivity.

Not that I would know anything about that….heh…right?

So leave a comment, let me know what brought you here, let me know what some of your passions are and I’ll see you all next week!

Rolling for Initiative

Posted: March 26, 2014 in General
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Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve returned to the blogosphere after a long hiatus with a [3 Months Late] New Year’s Resolution to write more and, in the process, try to gain a support group of strangers on the internet. I need this support group of strangers on the internet for a quest I am about to embark upon: The Journey to Becoming a Better Person and Less of a Douchebag.

I’ll wait for the eye rolls and “Ha, I give this a month or less,” comments.
Done? Cool. Let us begin.

As I approach my 30th birthday in June, I start to look mortality in the eye. Now, most would say that it’s a bit early to be doing that sort of thing. However, when you’ve been an extremely lazy excuse maker, with depression and anxiety, for the better part of those years it’s never too early to look at yourself and realize that you don’t want the next 30 to be wasted the same way the first 30, more or less, has.

I’ll begin by being open and blunt about where I am. I am extremely ruled by my emotions and ruled like a tyranical king by years and years of ingrained habits that are nowhere near healthy. From anger issues to crippling anxiety I’m just a mess of a person, really. Allow me to elaborate on my most frustrating habit as an example.

Here’s your tiny door, just throw that thing onto the back of my skull and let’s take a trip into my brain, shall we?

When I wake up in the morning my mind is immediately filled with things I should get out of bed and do. Writing I need to do, Books I want to read, Games I want to play, television I should get caught up on, hobbies I should practice; the list goes on. For the better part of my life, it’s been the same; I lay there and go over all this before rolling back over, saying I’ll do it later, and then going back to sleep. The only things that eventually force me out of bed are my job or something I can’t avoid. It’s like there’s these invisible depression arms coming up out of the bed, Nightmare on Elm Street style, and just not letting me go. Except instead of pulling me into the bed and killing me, they stroke my head and rock me back to sleep; all the while whispering in my ear that I can just do that stuff tomorrow.

Don’t ask me how hands can whisper, this analogy (Johnny Depp references aside) is creepy enough already.

From what I’ve read and what my therapist has told me, this is normal for someone who suffers from depression. Many people deal with this motivation destruction every day and it’s honestly comforting just to know that I’m not alone. There have even been many celebrities on twitter or social media with these same problems and they frequently use the helpful term “Depression Lies” when talking about their problems. This is something I try to tell myself whenever it gets really bad. It is a phrase that has helped pull me out of bed or motivated me when those Freddy Kruger Depression Arms are trying real hard to keep me down. Those are the days that help me get up again and again because it just feels good to beat this thing, even if it’s only for a single day.

The good news is that with a combination of support from my amazing fiancée, my family and some actual medical help I’m on my way to finally beating this thing called mental illness. I hit rock bottom last year and I’ve had to climb out of that hole since. I’m going to really try hard to beat this thing and be a better person to everyone in my life. So everyone reading this crazy thing I want you to hold me accountable for the decisions and mistakes I may make as I stumble my way through this year. This blog is just one of the many constant goals I want to keep up with. More writing is what this guy needs.

While you all help me with that I’ll be trying to keep you entertained with my ramblings about video gaming, tabletop gaming, wrasslin’, life and other various musings.

So let’s go on an adventure together, shall we? HUZZAH!